i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
