hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We need a shit load of segways right now
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
