After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
