It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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