you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
