If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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