Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
