i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
