girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
