I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
