She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
