I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
