dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
