Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
