She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
