I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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