Swine flu is the new snow day.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
