Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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