hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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