I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
