Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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