I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
