Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
COCAINE IS GR8
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
