i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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