Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
