let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
