dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you had me at cake vodka
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
