batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
