Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
