very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
