If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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