Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
