I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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