16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
