i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
