Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
