Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
