not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
