As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
