You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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