I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Boobs speak an international language.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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