If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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