I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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