Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
