Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
