not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
