I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My pussy is not your playground.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
