I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
