My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
