Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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