Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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